


One More Kiss

by Rennaren



Category: Hakuouki
Genre: Angst, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Moving On, Post-Canon, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:14:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22362430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rennaren/pseuds/Rennaren
Summary: A sequel to Nospringonions work, No More Kisses
Relationships: Okita Souji/Yukimura Chizuru
Comments: 10
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [No More Kisses](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19750099) by [Nospringonions](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nospringonions/pseuds/Nospringonions). 



> Extra thanks extended to Nospringonions who graciously gave me permission to write out my idea for a sequel to [No More Kisses.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19750099) If you haven't read that story yet, you may want to do so before reading this one.  
> Also have your tissues ready, there are feels ahead.  
> Happy Reading :)

Souji woke slowly, listening for the sound of Chizuru moving around the kitchen while making dinner as he lay still for a few moments longer before shifting under the futon to roll onto his side, facing the door of their room. Lifting his head slightly from his pillow Souji finally opened his eyes, a faint frown crossing his face as the sense of something being ‘off’ hit him. Propping himself up on an elbow Souji’s eyes swept the room, a part of him noting that nothing seemed to be blatantly out of place, as he called out to Chizuru. 

“Hey Chizuru,… What are we having for dinner?...” asked Souji allowing several moments to pass as he waited for Chizuru’s response before trying again. “…Chizuru?” 

Still no reply. 

Sitting up, Souji pushed the blanket off of him, glancing toward the shoji door to confirm that it was actually as late as he had thought it was. Judging by the dimness of the ambient light that filtered into the room, it was well into evening, past the time that Chizuru had promised she would be back. The realization made an uneasy knot form in the pit of his stomach, clenching tighter as he suddenly placed the reason for the sense of something being off that he had had upon waking. The house was completely silent, with no sounds to indicate that anyone else was there apart from himself. 

Wiping the beads of sweat that sprang to his brow off on the back of his wrist, Souji pushed himself to his feet, leaning a hand on the wall or a doorframe for support as he made his way through the house toward the kitchen. Souji’s eyes swept over the kitchen as he entered it, the barren cleanliness of the surfaces there providing no sign that they had been used since Chizuru had made the last meal they had eaten together, earlier in the day. Souji’s breath hitched in his throat as he turned to begin feverishly searching through the rest of the house, calling out for Chizuru as he moved from room to room, all the while feeling as if one of his worst fears was in the process of being realized. 

Returning to his and Chizuru’s room a short time later Souji hurriedly began changing into one of his kimono, pausing for a moment to catch his breath, as the effort he had put forth already had begun to tire him out, due to the fever he was suffering from. His search had turned up no indication of Chizuru’s return to the house since she had left, leaving Souji’s mind to begin concocting all sorts of worst case scenarios, even as he tried to remain calm. Closing his eyes for a moment Souji took a deep breath to steady himself. There was no time for letting his emotions and fears get the better of him right now. 

Looking toward where his and Chizuru’s swords rested on the rack in a corner of the room he hesitated for a moment before crossing the floor, slipping one of his swords into place at his waist. He had never heard Chizuru mention having any trouble from anyone in the village, but considering that she hadn’t returned, he had no idea what he might be walking into. That was assuming of course that Chizuru had made it to the village in the first place. If Souji’s life had taught him anything, it was that nothing was certain, and that being unprepared could easily wind up being deadly. 

For all Souji knew he would end up running into Chizuru on the path somewhere while on his way down the mountain side, probably earning himself a scolding for letting paranoia go so far as to drive him out of bed when he was sick. If it meant finding Chizuru safe and unharmed though, the scolding and anything else that might follow would be worth it. He hoped that would be what happened. To be honest as sick as Souji felt he wasn’t sure that he would be strong enough to wield his sword properly if Chizuru had run into trouble. Either way there was no more time to waste thinking about it, he had already spent too much time getting ready. 

All that mattered right now was finding Chizuru. 

~

While making his way down the mountain side Souji had to pause several times to rest and catch his breath, each time finding the sense of dread that had been nagging at him growing more intense the closer he got to the village without having found Chizuru. By the time that Souji reached the bottom of the mountain and approached the village he was exhausted and had reached a point of near panic. Souji’s adrenaline surged in waves that timed with the rapid anxious beat of his heart, even though he still had needed to take his sword from his obi some time ago, to lean on it for support as he finished his trek. 

When Souji entered the village night had fallen, and he made his way through the darkened streets following the description Chizuru had given him of what she would pass before getting to the part of the village where the medical hall was located. As he drew closer Souji saw that in spite of the lateness of the hour, a small crowd was milling about outside the building, illuminated by flickering torch light that brightened both the area outside and added to the light from within the structure. The sight only added to his fears, as clearly something had happened which was out of the ordinary. Coming closer to the building Souji began pushing his way through the crowd, calling out Chizuru’s name now and then as his eyes moved back and forth over the people around him, searching for any sign of her or hint of reaction to her name on anyone’s face. 

Finally Souji neared the front of the crowd and was able to see that an open space had formed near the medical hall’s open doorway. Just inside the door a disheveled and distressed looking young woman sat with a small child half asleep on her lap, while an older man who Souji guessed must have been the doctor spoke with another man who possessed an authoritative air several yards away from where Souji stood. He wasn’t able to make out what they were saying, but the somberness of their expressions did nothing but heighten his anxiety. Souji’s teeth worried at his lower lip for a moment, and as soon as the authoritative man turned and left he surged forward to push his way through the last row of people that stood between him and the doctor, reaching out to catch the doctor’s shoulder before he could retreat inside. 

“Hey,… wait a minute!” called Souji ignoring the way that the man flinched in response to the intensity of Souji’s grip and the emotion he displayed. “A young woman came here earlier. Have you seen her? Her name is Chizuru.” 

“…Um,… I…” murmured the doctor, glancing around furtively as he attempted to back away, causing Souji to tighten his grip on the man’s clothing as he pulled the doctor back toward him. 

The man’s hesitant and uninformative response served to drive Souji’s stress level higher. He pressed his lips together for a moment, his emotions expressing themselves in frustration and anger as he yanked at the fistful of the doctor’s clothes in his grasp. “Did you see her or not?!” demanded Souji furiously, frowning. “Where did she go?”

Suddenly Souji was grabbed from behind by a couple of men who had either gotten particularly brave, or somehow hadn’t noticed the sheathed sword Souji held clutched in one hand. Together they drug Souji backward, away from the doctor, the task made easier by Souji’s illness and his exhaustion from the trek down the mountain. In spite of Souji’s efforts to resist, the doctor’s kimono was pulled from his grasp, allowing both of the men to gain a firmer hold on his arms in order to restrain Souji from lunging forward once more.

“Calm down!” growled one of the men, whose grip on Souji’s bicep and forearm was almost uncomfortably tight as he made sure that Souji wouldn’t manage to somehow unsheathe and use his blade one handed. “I don’t know who you are, or what you want, but there’s been enough trouble here already!” 

Souji panted through gritted teeth, his green eyes sparking furiously as he twisted to look back and forth between the men that held him and the doctor who stood straightening his clothing as he watched Souji warily. “Then tell me where Chizuru is! She came here for medicine today and never came home! …She’s my wife!” 

“…Your wife?...” 

Somehow the soft murmur managed to both draw Souji’s attention and subdue a portion of his fury. Looking over to where the doctor stood, Souji saw that the man was now looking at him with eyes that had softened from fear to something that spoke of sorrow, accompanying the sympathetic expression on his face.

“She was your wife?” murmured the doctor, the sympathy in his expression increasing at Souji’s nod until it was almost suffocating for Souji to look at. His brow knitting, the doctor stepped closer starting to reach out to put a hand on Souji’s shoulder as he continued. “I’m sorry. …I don’t know how to tell you this, but your wife-...” 

Souji’s heart seized as he suddenly put together the doctor’s choice of words with the expression he wore. Surging forward against his captors with a sudden burst of strength Souji broke free to grab the front of the doctor’s kimono once more, interrupting him with a shout of protest. 

“No!! …No, …You’re lying!” screamed Souji twisting his clenched fist in the doctor’s kimono as he pressed his sheathed blade to the man’s throat. “It’s not true!! …It’s a lie, it has to be! …Where is she?!” Souji felt tears beginning to streak his face even as he fought to deny the onslaught of grief brought by the doctor’s unspoken words.

With a glance behind Souji, the doctor warned the men who had restrained Souji earlier away from interfering with a shake of his head. “…I’m sorry…” murmured the doctor softly as he looked back at Souji once more. 

“I don’t care if you’re sorry! Just shut up and tell me where Chizuru is!” screamed Souji once more, his hands and body beginning to shake with the powerful emotions surging inside him.

For a moment the doctor glanced away from Souji, his eyes moving toward the door of the medical hall. Following the doctor’s gaze, Souji looked into the building once more, this time noticing something that he hadn’t earlier. Inside the building a covered form lay at the edge of a pool of blood, and looking closer Souji saw that a bit of fabric peeked out from under the straw mat covering the figure. The fabric matched the kimono that Chizuru had been wearing when she left that afternoon. 

Souji’s chest tightened unbearably at the sight, making it nearly impossible for him to draw a breath past the lump that formed in his throat. Suddenly his legs felt too weak to support him and Souji found his weight leaning on the doctor as his knees threatened to give way for a moment before he recovered, throwing himself toward the medical hall’s door. 

“No! …Chizuru!” cried Souji, a choked sob wrenching itself from him as he stumbled toward the door. Blackness was beginning to creep into the edges of his vision as the full weight of his illness, exhaustion, and grief hit him all at once. His damaged lungs seemed unable to keep up with Souji’s need for air, as every breath was quickly forced out by another wracking sob. Clutching at his chest with one hand as he continued forward, Souji felt as if he were suffocating. Distantly he felt himself starting to fall, his body being caught by several pairs of hands as his consciousness slipped away. 

~

The ceiling above Souji when he opened his eyes was unfamiliar, and the wooden slats making it up were dimly lit by the sunlight filtering in through the window on one wall of the room he was in, indicating that some time had passed. Feeling dizzy and flushed from the fever he’d been fighting recently, Souji lay staring listlessly up at it for a few moments before his memory of the events from just before he lost consciousness began to return, sending a fresh wave of grief surging through him.

“…Chizuru…” murmured Souji through gritted teeth, squeezing his eyes closed as he tried to keep himself from starting to cry, draping a forearm over his eyes. He had no idea where he was, or what might have happened since he passed out. A part of him didn’t really care, feeling that nothing mattered as much anymore now that Chizuru was gone. But he still didn’t know the details of what had happened to Chizuru, or what sort of actions he might want to take in response. So as much as Souji’s emotions were pressuring him to, until he knew where he was and what had occurred, he couldn’t afford to give into his grief yet. 

Releasing a shuddering breath Souji lifted his arm from his eyes, letting it fall to his side as he shot a narrowed eyed look toward the room’s sole door, feeling the sensation of eyes on him. A set of eyes topped by dark hair peered around the edge of the lower half of the door way. Easing off the harshness in his gaze Souji had only a moment to register that the eyes watching him belonged to a girl, who was only a couple of years old, before she noticed Souji’s eyes on her and moved out of sight. A few minutes later the doctor appeared in the doorway.

“Ah,… you’re awake.” said the doctor as he stepped inside, sliding the door closed behind him before crossing the room to kneel beside Souji as he deftly began to examine him, taking note of Souji’s temperature and breathing. He hadn’t noticed it at first, but now as the doctor worked, Souji noted a slight slowing and hesitance carried in some of his movements. As if the doctor might also have been involved in and injured during the events of the previous day. After several minutes the older man sat back, looking intently at Souji. “…It seems as if you’re quite ill. How are you feeling?” 

A wry smile twisted Souji’s lips bitterly at the statement. He doubted that it took a doctor to figure that out, especially right now.

“…Fine…” muttered Souji, lacking the will or energy at the moment for his usual snark. Instead his gaze swept over the room, his eyes slightly narrowed as he looked for any sign of his sword, having noticed its absence after he had managed to suppress his emotions enough to continue functioning.

The doctor hummed in response to Souji’s reply, then fell silent, remaining so for a few minutes before continuing. The doctor’s expression was intent and serious as he surveyed Souji while speaking. “…You were a samurai, …weren’t you?” asked the doctor causing Souji’s narrow eyed gaze to snap sharply back to him. 

“What’s your point?...” asked Souji his expression taking on a suspicious edge as he propped himself up on an elbow. He drew back slightly, feeling suddenly uncomfortable with continuing to lay defenselessly. Part of the reason he and Chizuru had chosen to live apart from the village, and why Chizuru had always gone to the village alone, was not only to conceal the fury nature they had possessed at first, but also out of a need to conceal their identities. Souji’s in particular. Given the way that things had turned out politically, having their past association with the Shinsengumi being discovered had carried with it a certain amount of risk.

Sighing, the doctor shook his head, seeming to age a bit as he did so. 

“You needn’t worry about your sword until after you’ve recovered. Both it and you will be safe here in the meantime. …It’s the least we can do.” said the doctor, his voice dropping to a quieter volume over the last sentence. Apparently Souji’s glances around the room as he attempted to spot his weapon had been enough for the doctor to have picked up on and discerned the reason for them. After a few minutes the doctor looked back up at Souji, looking for a moment as if he were steeling himself for something, before speaking. “…I suppose you want to know about what happened, …to your wife?...” 

Souji swallowed hard, his heart squeezing at the reminder, but after taking a moment to try and prepare himself for what he was about to hear, he nodded.

“Very well…” murmured the doctor, also nodding slightly as he released a sigh. The older man’s gaze moved briefly to Souji before looking away and he seemed to take a moment to collect himself before beginning. “Yesterday, shortly after your wife arrived at my medical hall…”

After the doctor finished his recounting of events Souji weakly fell back to lay on the futon, trying to absorb everything he’d been told and keep his composure. The shortness of the story had made it no less devastating, with the majority of it having taken place over the span of mere minutes. As the doctor had told him how Chizuru had been wounded, hot, murderous rage had boiled in Souji’s veins. He had bitten the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood to avoid displaying the full extent of it while the doctor continued, telling him about Chizuru’s final moments. 

Once the doctor had finished Souji was left with little but sorrow, and an intense feeling of regret that he hadn’t, at the very least, been there for Chizuru to comfort her at the end. In the midst of his grief Souji also found himself being consumed by a desperate need to avenge Chizuru’s senseless death, the feeling growing stronger the more that he replayed the doctor’s story in his mind. Had he been able Souji would already have gotten up from the bed and gone to hunt down Chizuru’s killer, regardless of anyone that might have tried to stop him. As things stood at the moment though, Souji doubted that he would be able to keep his blade steady in his current state, much less strike a clean, killing blow. Not that he felt the man who had ended Chizuru’s life actually deserved such mercy. 

In an effort to keep from being overwhelmed with frustration by dwelling on thoughts of what he was too uselessly weak to do right now, Souji forced his attention away, letting his head fall to the side to look over at the doctor. “…W-where’s Chizuru now?...”

The doctor sighed, his shoulders slumping slightly. “…No one was certain where exactly she lived. If you hadn’t appeared, her body would have been given a place among those of others from our village... However since you are here now, I arranged for her body to be brought here to wait and see if you would regain consciousness in time to be consulted about your wishes...”

Closing his eyes Souji looked away briefly, his hands curling into fists before he took a steadying breath. “…I want to see her.” He said, not quite managing to mask the slight waver in his voice. 

The doctor shook his head, putting a restraining hand on Souji’s shoulder as Souji propped himself up on an elbow, preparing to rise. “I’m not sure that’s wise just now. You’re not well and have obviously exhausted yourself. Not to mention the shock you’ve gone through. …You should try to rest a bit more first.”

Ignoring the doctor as he rolled onto his side, Souji balanced himself on his hands as he got his legs under him, working to gather the strength he would need to stand in spite of the dizzying effects of his fever.

Seeing that Souji was determined to get up, the doctor sighed and took hold of Souji’s elbow to help steady him as he got to his feet and as they made their way down a short hallway to another room, with Souji balancing his weight between the doctor and a hand on the wall. Pushing the door open with his free hand the doctor led Souji inside a small room which was bare apart from a form that lay near the far wall on a straw mat, with a blanket draped over it. He looked over for a moment as Souji paused at the sight, before continuing forward to lead him across the room as Souji recovered and resumed walking.

“I’ll give you some time…” murmured the doctor as he made his way out of the room after having helped Souji lower himself down to sit beside Chizuru’s body.

Souji had seen dozens upon dozens of dead bodies before, many of which had become such by his own hand. It had never been something that bothered him before, yet the thought of seeing Chizuru’s body now terrified him. Chewing his lower lip Souji slowly reached out, hesitating for a moment before drawing the blanket back with trembling hands to reveal Chizuru’s head and shoulders. 

“…Ch- Chizuru?” Souji whispered, his voice breaking softly over the end of her name as he stretched out his fingers to brush them gently across Chizuru’s pale cheek. Souji flinched and jerked his hand back with a soft gasp a moment later as he registered how cold Chizuru’s skin had become. Recovering quickly he cupped her cheek in his palm as he shuffled for Chizuru’s hand under the covering with his free one, tears beginning to well in his eyes. 

Her hands had never before been as cold as they were now. Chizuru’s hands had always carried a comforting warmth, their touch reassuring in his darkest moments and soothing when the restlessness of being bedfast by sickness plagued him. Gathering her hands up in both of his Souji pressed them to his feverish cheek in a vain attempt to warm them, squeezing his eyes closed as he wept. 

“…Chizuru, I-I’m sorry. …This wasn’t supposed to happen …I should have been there. I should have been there to protect you.” murmured Souji turning his head slightly to press his lips against the back of Chizuru’s fingers. 

_As much as the man who had murdered Chizuru was responsible for her death, he had played a role as well. If he hadn’t been sick he would have been able to be there and be strong enough to protect her. If he had been well, Chizuru wouldn’t have left to go get medicine for him in the first place. She would have been safely in bed recovering from her own illness, where she should have been..._

Cradling Chizuru’s hands against his chest with one hand Souji slid his arm under Chizuru’s shoulders to lift her upper body from the floor as he shifted closer, guiding her head to rest on his shoulder, so that he could hold her close one last time. Keeping his arm wrapped tightly around Chizuru’s back Souji buried his nose in her hair to breathe in her scent, trying to commit it permanently to his memory. Distantly Souji noted that someone must have cleaned Chizuru up and changed her clothing while he had been unconscious, and while he was grateful, he was also thankful that the smell of her hair remained unchanged. 

_…Why hadn’t he been more insistent that she stay with him and rest? …If he had, she might still be alive. …If she hadn’t been working so hard to look after him, she wouldn’t have been sick. If she had been somewhere else, with someone other than him, Chizuru wouldn’t have had to go through any of the things she had…_

A strangled sob forced itself from Souji’s chest as he wrapped both arms around her, clutching her body tightly as he pressed his face to the join of her neck and shoulder. 

_…Why was he never able to protect the people he cared about? …Not even Chizuru, who had promised to stay with him until the end. …What was it about him, that every situation always ended with him being the one abandoned and left behind?..._

After a little while Souji finally managed to begin to calm and compose himself, and carefully lowered Chizuru’s body to where it had been resting on the floor. Sniffling quietly, Souji’s breaths continued to hitch slightly as he sat back for a moment. He wiped his face and eyes on a sleeve before reaching out to settle Chizuru’s limbs in a comfortable position and smooth her clothing and hair back into place, then leaned forward once more to place a gentle kiss on her forehead. 

“I’ll always love you, Chizuru…” whispered Souji hoarsely, his lips just brushing her brow as he stroked her hair with one hand. “…Just wait for me a little while… Okay?” 

Sighing, Souji gently brushed away the tear drops that had fallen onto Chizuru’s cheek as he drew back. Chizuru was his entire world, and his life without her would be meaningless. He had no desire for living a life without Chizuru beside him, however there was still one last task left for him to complete. 

Turning as the doctor reentered the room, Souji allowed the older man to help him to his feet, leaning on him more than before in his exhaustion as they walked the short distance back down the hall to the room where Souji had awakened. After Souji was settled in bed once again the doctor sat down beside his futon, his expression solemn.  
The doctor hesitated for a few moments before drawing a breath and pushing forward. “…As to the arrangements for your wife,… A decision must be made soon…” 

Souji looked away, closing his eyes to hide his pained expression at being reminded that Chizuru was gone. He truly didn’t want to think about anything related to the subject anymore, or to think at all really, but as the doctor had stated such thoughts were necessary. After a number of minutes passed, an idea of the perfect place occurred to Souji, and he reopened his eyes though his gaze remained unfocused, fixed on the wall at his side. 

“…At home. …There’s a place near our home,… Chizuru should be buried there.” murmured Souji, his mind’s eye lingering in visions of a quiet stream and a flower filled field, as well as memories of long afternoon naps in the sun and how happy they both had been there. Souji remained silent for a few moments clinging to the remembered feeling of warmth and contentment for a little longer before continuing.“…I can show you where.”

“The journey up the mountain would be difficult, and for someone in your condition, dangerous as well.” said the doctor shaking his head. “I believe that you should remain here and rest. …If you will explain to me exactly where it is you want her to be buried, I promise that I will personally see to it that your wishes are carried out.” 

Frustration twisted Souji’s face at the doctor’s words, which only served to remind him of his current weakened and useless state. It had taken more out of Souji than he wanted to admit to have made it down the mountain, and truthfully he hadn’t yet figured out just how he was going to make it back up unaided. However having it come from the lips of someone else, made the suggestion rankle even more, even if the statement was very likely true. Also there was the consideration that regardless of what Souji decided to do, he still had to find and deal with Chizuru’s killer before he would be able to join her in the afterlife. 

Going home to bury Chizuru meant that he would need to return later to hunt down the murderer, which meant a second trip down the mountainside, and perhaps waiting until he regained enough strength to make the journey. It would also give the man more time to escape facing Souji’s sword in the meantime, and that was something that he was unwilling to risk. However that didn’t stop Souji from leveling a deep scowl at the doctor in response to the man’s suggestion.

In the end Souji agreed to comply with the doctor’s orders, offering silent apologies to Chizuru as he did, promising her once again that he would follow and join her soon. 

~

Following Chizuru’s burial Souji remained in the doctor’s house, and was at first mostly confined to his bed, with the doctor and his daughter tending to him. The days stretched mindlessly into one another as he waited to recover from his illness. Souji found that he had lost interest in any of the goings on around him, rebuffing any attempts at conversation that were offered, and flatly ignoring the childish curiosity of the doctor’s young granddaughter. Even something as simple as eating was a struggle, though Souji forced himself to consume the meals that were given to him despite of his lack of appetite, in order to maintain his strength for what lay ahead.

Two days later Souji’s fever finally broke, and several days afterwards he finally began to feel strong enough to leave his bed, moving to sit on the edge of the engawa that ran around the edge of the house or outside near the front door as the days passed him by. Eventually a day arrived when the doctor and his family left Souji with the house to himself while they all went on some outing. By then Souji had regained some of his strength and in that time had also learned that the man who killed Chizuru had been captured at the scene, and found out where he was being held. 

After the doctor and his family had left the house Souji rose from his bed to dress and quickly began ransacking each room in search of his sword. Before very much time passed he was able to locate the weapon, carefully hidden in a chest at the very back of what appeared to be a storage room, and quickly returned the sword to its place at his side. Feeling a sense of reassurance at having his sword in his possession once more Souji closed his eyes briefly, gripping its hilt as his expression relaxed momentarily, before hardening as his eyes reopened. 

Now that he had his sword back, and the freedom to move without interception, it was time for him to act. A grim smile came to Souji’s lips as he headed toward the door, there remained only a single task before him that once dispatched, would leave him able to rejoin Chizuru without regret.

In short order Souji made his way to the building which was serving as the village’s jail, where his target was currently being housed. Once there he paused a short distance away to lurk in the shadows of a nearby alley, watching for a while to get a feel for the routines and attentiveness of any guards that were stationed at the building. While he cared little about what he might have to do to anyone that tried to prevent him from getting inside, Souji knew that in his still recovering state the less strain he had to put on his body right now, the better his chances of actually making it into the building to complete his mission. 

After observing for a while Souji felt he had enough of a handle on the guard’s patrol to be able to slip past them without a confrontation, if he timed it right. Waiting a bit longer until the guard’s patrol of the area took him to the other side of the building, Souji swiftly crossed the street and was able to make his way inside undetected. 

Once inside Souji crept cautiously through the halls, keeping one hand on his sword at all times ready to draw it at a moment’s notice, as he checked each room he passed for the man he was looking for. Judging by how few of the rooms he passed were occupied, it seemed to Souji that the amount of crime in the village must be relatively low. For his purposes though the emptiness was just as well, as fewer people being held there meant that he would have more time to carry out his intentions, without having to worry about someone raising an alarm.

Finally toward the end of a hallway Souji came to a room holding a person that matched what he had heard about the man he was looking for. Looking through the bars of the cell Souji’s eyes narrowed as he took a few minutes to study Chizuru’s murderer. The man was tall and appeared to be in reasonable shape, he would have been easily able to overpower someone of Chizuru’s size physically, especially unarmed as she had been. The man sat with his side to Souji, leaning forward with his head in his hands and back to the wall behind him, and didn’t appear to have noticed he was being watched. The man was definitely not a warrior then, he was nothing more than a pathetic bully. 

Souji had handled himself against, and dealt with any number of bullies in his lifetime, and knew he would have no difficulty doing the same now. It would be all too easy for him to slice through the lock holding the cell door shut and cut the man open before he even realized what had happened. However Souji couldn’t find it in himself to give the man such a quick and easy death, at the very least he wanted to make Chizuru’s murderer understand just what he had done before killing him.

As if prompted by some instinct for self-preservation in response to Souji’s blood-lust ridden thoughts, the man looked up, turning his head to meet Souji’s gaze. 

“What are you looking at?” asked the man, his expression hardening in a display of bravado in spite of his position behind cell bars, as he drew himself up to sit straighter while turning to face Souji. When Souji failed to react to his harsh tone and expression by backing away or giving any indication of uneasiness the man spoke again, his eyes narrowing as he studied Souji. “You better get out of here. From the way you look, I doubt you could take what’d happen to you if the guards show up and find you here.”

A caustic smirk came to Souji’s lips as he deliberately surveyed the man once more before letting visible distain color his expression. “Oh? …Doesn’t seem like much of a reason to be scared, if all they have to do is keep you locked up in here. …Can’t say I’m very intimated by what I see so far.”

The man’s expression turned to one of irritation as he got to his feet, stepping threateningly toward the bars that separated them. “Who do you think you are trying to start something with me? You should watch your back. I’m in here for killing some woman. You don’t look like you’d be any tougher than she was.”

White hot fury flared to life in Souji’s gut at the man’s words, and in a single motion he drew his sword and had sliced through the lock on the cell door, pushing his way inside it before the man had time to do more than recoil in surprise at Souji’s sudden actions. “…She wasn’t just ‘some woman’.” hissed Souji, glaring at the man with narrowed eyes as he pressed the blade of his sword to the man’s throat. “Chizuru is my wife!”

As he finally realized Souji’s identity, the look of arrogance the man had worn until now faded and his face paled, his eyes flickering nervously between the edge of the blade that was at his neck and Souji’s face. “I-I didn’t mean to… it was an accident! …I had been drinking and-…” began the man as he slid down the wall behind him, with Souji’s blade following the motion as it held its place just below his jaw.

Souji gritted his teeth as the man carried on in an increasingly panicked tone, his grip tightening on his sword as the urge to thrust the blade forward to impale the man’s throat was nearly overwhelming. The man’s desperate apologies and pleas for his life rattled irritatingly in Souji’s ears as he drew the moment out, his mind supplying him with painfully vivid imaginings of Chizuru’s last moments and the fear she must have felt, brought about by hands of the man before him. 

_It would be all too easy... even just a little more pressure would be enough._ thought Souji noting that already a thin line of blood welled against the blade’s edge before trickling downward. As Souji forcibly pushed the images haunting him away and widened his focus to turn his attention back to the man at the end of his sword, he realized that the man had fallen silent and now knelt with his head hung, his gaze fixed on the floor below him. Lessing the pressure of his sword against the man’s throat as he drew back minutely in confusion, Souji frowned as he took in what seemed to be the man’s sudden resignation. 

“…I’m sorry,… You should kill me if you want…” murmured the man, his shoulders slumping as he closed his eyes. “…I killed your wife,… and I ruined everything with my wife and family. …I was never good enough to have married her in the first place, and always useless to them. …Why would they want anything to do with me now, after this...”

Souji stared down at the man for a moment before tightening his grip on his sword, preparing to strike a killing blow. It seemed as if the man had decided to die, and Souji had no reservations about ending his life. Yet for some reason, Souji found himself hesitating, suddenly unable to strike the killing blow. Instead all he could do was picture Chizuru’s face and the expression she would probably have if he carried through with it. 

Chizuru was always so gentle and kind. Though she had understood when they confronted Kodo and Kaoru in the past, that there was a possibility that he may have had to kill both her father and twin brother in order to stop their evil deeds, bringing about someone else’s death was never something that Chizuru had viewed in the same way that Souji had. To Souji killing in the course of his duty to Kondou and the Shinsengumi had been at best a necessary task, and at his worst and most violent, had been something that he had enjoyed thoroughly. Chizuru on the other hand was different, to the point that around the time they had first met she had been reluctant to weld her blade at all for fear of injuring Saito, even when her skills were simply being tested. The mere idea of killing someone, much less that of someone being killed for her sake or even to avenge her death, would have saddened Chizuru deeply. 

Suddenly realizing that he wouldn’t be able to go through with it, in spite of how desperately he wanted to take the life of Chizuru’s murderer, Souji stepped back lowering his sword slightly with a bitter laugh. As the man looked up at him with an expression that was a mixture of bewilderment and fear, Souji felt an ironic smile twist his lips. 

“…Never forget Chizuru, the woman you killed. …She was good and kind, and it’s only because of her,… that I’m not going to kill you.” began Souji speaking through gritted teeth as his grip tightened on his sword, to mask the way his hands trembled. “If it were up to me, I would-…” Souji’s voice broke momentarily before he collected himself, then dropped to a hoarse near whisper as he continued on. “…And I hope you suffer for it.” 

Letting out a harsh breath Souji raised his hand, then brought it down in a sudden, sharp movement to club the man’s temple with the pommel of his sword, leaving him to sprawl to the ground as he turned to make his way out of the cell. Making his escape from the scene Souji walked quickly away after leaving the building, and was nearly back to the doctor’s house before he paused in an alleyway to catch his breath. 

Souji leaned back against the alley wall behind him, scrubbing at the tears of frustration and grief that had at some point began to stream down his face without his notice. As he did Souji’s mind played back what had just happened, causing Souji’s breath to hitch and his chest to ache at the thought of his weakness, and inability to go through with his plans for revenge. In spite of what he believed Chizuru would have wanted Souji couldn’t help feeling overwhelmed by his powerlessness and uselessness, for having failed Chizuru this time, just as he had failed to protect Kondou because of his illness in the past. 

Back then, it had been Chizuru’s presence, and the comfort, reassurance, and sense of purpose she had given him that had prevented Souji from ending his life in order to follow Kondou into death. Now with Chizuru gone and after having failed at the final task he had set for himself, Souji felt little else lay before him with as useless as he had been. There was no real reason left for him to wait, or to keep Chizuru waiting, any longer. Closing his eyes Souji reached down to grip his sword once more, preparing to draw the blade from its sheath. 

Shifting the blade in his hands Souji readied himself to bring the razor sharp edge into position, taking a steadying breath before a voice from the mouth of the alley called out, interrupting him. 

“Okita-san? …What are you doing out here? You should be resting.” 

Souji opened his eyes, reluctantly lowering his sword as he looked toward the entrance to the alley, where the doctor stood with his daughter and granddaughter lingering a few feet behind him. As the doctor approached to rest a hand on his shoulder wearing a slight, solemn frown, Souji looked away. After he slid his sword back into its sheath, the doctor’s frown faded slightly, though he still wore a concerned expression as he continued. 

“Please Okita-san. I don’t know what it was you were doing out here,… But why don’t you come back to the house with us now?” 

Biting his lip Souji hesitated, wondering what might happen if he refused and if there was any possibility that the doctor would simply take his family with him and leave Souji alone, should he try. While Souji’s refusal to acknowledge or respond to his words went on, the doctor’s hand moved from his shoulder to grip Souji’s upper arm in an attempt to lead him back out of the alleyway, once more urging him to return with them. Souji held his ground a few moments longer before finally giving in, though the incident served mostly to cement in his mind that if he wanted to avoid further interference, it was past time that he returned to his and Chizuru’s home for the final time.

~

The following morning, steadfastly ignoring the doctor’s concerns over his still recovering health, Souji set out on his journey back up the mountainside. 

Upon reaching home in the late afternoon Souji found that the faint ache, which had been gradually increasing the further he traveled up the mountain, suddenly became worse as the structure came into sight causing him to pause for a few minutes before he was able to steel himself to continue on toward the house.

After entering the house Souji found that the small, once cozy home, suddenly felt devastatingly empty and lonely as he slowly moved from room to room. Everywhere he looked Souji found small things that reminded him of Chizuru, from the cleanliness of the kitchen, to the small sewing kit she kept for mending their clothes, or even one of the hairpins that she occasionally wore, which had been left sitting in front of the mirror. When he had first spotted the latter Souji had squeezed his eyes closed, one hand coming up to grip the fabric of his kimono over his chest, forcing himself to take several shuddering breaths as the sight of it had brought to mind how Chizuru had looked on one of the last times he had seen her wearing the pin.

By the time that he reached their bedroom the ache in Souji’s chest had grown to the point that its pain nearly matched any which had brought by the bloodlust that he had experienced as a fury. Feeling as if he were being suffocated by his grief, and wanting nothing more than for the pain to stop as he swallowed back a sob, Souji started to reach for the sword at his waist. This time Souji intended to successfully carry out what had already been interrupted once before, but as he pulled his sword free from its sheath he found himself hesitating, deciding suddenly that he wanted to be closer to Chizuru. 

Stepping across the room Souji stretched out his free hand to pull open the shoji door. As he looked out across the grassy yard behind the house Souji’s fingers tightened on the door’s frame, his eyes catching sight of a mound of freshly overturned earth at the far side of the yard from where he stood, which proved the doctor had been good to his word. 

“Ch-chizuru…” whispered Souji quietly, as the sight swam before his eyes briefly before he blinked rapidly to clear his vision. 

Souji made his way over to Chizuru’s grave, sinking down beside it to rest a hand on the soil as he bit his lip, feeling as if he ought to be saying something in spite of being at a loss for words. “Chizuru, I-… I’m sorry...” murmured Souji, lowering his head as he squeezed his eyes closed tightly. 

As thoughts of his uselessness and failures swept over Souji as he remained kneeling by Chizuru’s grave, Souji once again found his mind going back to one of the questions he had asked himself in the days prior. 

_Just why was it that he, out of all of the members of the Shinsengumi, had been the only one to survive this long? Hijikata-san, Sanan-san, Heisuke and Sano-san, Gen-san, Yamazaki-kun… Even Kondou-san, who out of any of them should have lived on, were gone._

And while they had never heard anything concrete one way or the other, Chizuru had never given up on believing that maybe there was still hope that at least Shinpat-san and Hajime-kun had survived. Even though Souji personally suspected that they had died as well. He considered himself no different from any of them.

_All of them had fought for more or less the same things, even after their paths had begun to diverge. And they each had killed many people and at times sought revenge for their losses… So why was he still here? Was it because what he had always suspected about himself was true, and that his ultimate uselessness to and failure of anyone he cared for, had made him unworthy of love and happiness, and destined for suffering? …Or maybe it was because of all the lives he had taken without remorse? …With his survival after everyone that had been a part of his life being some sort of karmic retribution for his deeds and failings?_

Souji’s grip tightened on his sword as his thoughts continued, drawing it from its sheath.

_If that was the case, he had had enough already. Surely by now after losing Kondou-san, Chizuru and everyone else he had cared for, he had more than paid whatever price there might have been for his actions. To be expected to continue on through whatever life he had left, without Chizuru, was surely more punishment than anything he had done could have warranted._

As he pressed the blade of his sword into place, Souji tilted his head back, squeezing his eyes closed against the tears that had begun to stream down his face. Behind his closed eyelids, Chizuru’s face appeared, stopping him from taking any further action as another thought crossed Souji’s mind.

_…Or rather than some form of payback for his actions, perhaps could the reason for his survival have been Chizuru, and the impact she had on his life? Chizuru had seen value in the lives of everyone, even the lives of her enemies. It was for that very reason he had been unable to kill the man who had taken her life, as doing so would have contradicted her sacrifice. Chizuru had treasured all life, and Souji’s in particular, in spite of his illness and the shortened lifespan it might bring. And in time, with Chizuru always at his side, he had begun to learn to do the same. They had both celebrated every moment of their time together, no matter how brief that time had ended up being. While it still was possible that his lone survival was some sort of punishment, more than anything, he also knew that Chizuru had wanted him to live…_

A choked cry escaped Souji as his sword toppled from his hands to fall to the ground at his knees, and he bent forward, both hands curling into the soil of Chizuru’s grave. “…But how am I supposed to go on without you?!” screamed Souji, his fingers clenching the dirt tightly as a sob shook his body. 

Eventually Souji’s tears began to subside, and his fingers relaxed their hold on the ground as he sat back wearily. “Chizuru, …I already miss you so much.” whispered Souji quietly as he sat with his head bowed. “I wanted to make your dreams come true,… all of them. …How am I going to be able to do that now?”

As lifted his head to wipe at his eyes, something drew Souji’s attention toward the patch of ground where Chizuru had started her garden of herbs, causing him to notice how overgrown with weeds it had started to become. A sudden feeling of urgency to correct the situation struck Souji and he abruptly lurched to his feet and quickly crossed the short distance, before dropping to his knees to begin removing the unwanted plants from Chizuru’s carefully tended garden with an almost frantic haste. While he worked Souji found himself recalling times in the past when he had watched Chizuru as she worked to nurse the plants into sprouting, and when he had even occasionally worked alongside her. While Souji had been well aware at the time that getting him to work in the garden with her had in part been Chizuru’s way of curbing his impatience for her to finish and come join him for a nap or some other activity, even so working in the garden now still made him feel somehow closer to Chizuru and he found that the aching pain of losing her began to ease, if only by the smallest of amounts. 

By the time he finished pulling the last of the weeds Souji had come to a decision. While it was no longer possible for him to make Chizuru’s dreams come true for her, Souji hoped that perhaps in some way, by carrying out the plans for their future that she had told him about, he would be able to keep Chizuru’s memory alive. Letting out a breath as he sat back on his heels in the gathering darkness Souji wiped at his cheeks a final time, smearing them with dirt slightly, before getting to his feet. Retrieving his sword from where he’d left it laying at Chizuru’s grave, Souji made his way back to the house. 

Once inside Souji felt his grief threatening to close in on him again, but he pushed it away as best he could as he washed up from working in the garden, before making his way to bed. Laying down on the futon had posed another problem, as Souji for the first time found it to be unsettlingly large, given that he was used to sharing it with Chizuru. Being given yet another reminder of his loss stung, testing the fragile healing that had begun. Eventually Souji found himself burying his face in Chizuru’s pillow in order to catch a hint of her smell, as he clutched both it and one of her kimonos tightly, his mental and physical exhaustion at last forcing him to give in to sleep.

~

After waking the following day Souji quickly busied himself with going through their food stores knowing that Chizuru had liked the kitchen to stay clean and ready for cooking, getting rid of anything that had gone bad while they were gone, in order to keep himself busy and his mind occupied. 

At some point as he worked Souji’s gaze fell on the wrapped package, which he had left sitting on a corner of the table the night before. A slight frown came to his face as he heard his stomach growl at the sight, before he gave in a few minutes later and went over to unwrap the package’s contents. Initially when the doctor’s daughter had insistently pressed the small meal of onigiri on him before leaving the village, Souji hadn’t wanted to accept them, as he hadn’t planned on being around long enough for something like food to matter. However now that he had decided to live, Souji ended up feeling a small, grudging hint of appreciation for them, as it gave him something to eat while working without having to pause to try to cook anything. Even if they weren’t as good as Chizuru’s.

The days and weeks that followed blended into a blur of activity in Souji’s memory, as he set to work doing his best to begin making Chizuru’s plans come to life. On days when the weather was good, Souji gradually began preparing the ground for the vegetable patch that Chizuru had wanted, the work being both comforting and distracting, at least for the most part. The nights however were harder, though over time Souji had found that tiring himself out with work during the daytime did make falling asleep without Chizuru beside him just a little bit easier.

. 

Once the ground was ready Souji carefully lined it with stones he had found in the area or turned up while readying the soil, to mark the garden’s edge and hopefully help keep out any animals that might try to snack on the vegetables that would eventually grow. As he put the last stone into place a slight smile curved Souji’s lips as he stepped back to examine his work, nodding to himself in approval after a few moments.

“Hmm,… looks pretty good, don’t you think? …Hey Chizuru, what sort of things should we plant in it?” said Souji aloud without thinking. Several beats of silence passed before Souji’s smile faded slightly as he realized what he had done, and that he had unconsciously been waiting for a response that wouldn’t come. Ultimately Souji decided on his own to plant a mixture of carrots, radish, cabbage, and cucumber, managing to acquire the necessary seeds from the village, after making some inquires.

. 

The first time that Souji returned to the village for supplies, a week or so after his departure, he had been greeted with an expression which reflected relieved disbelief when he had briefly crossed paths with the doctor. While most of the members of the village seemed to accept Souji’s occasional visits in stride without giving any indication of intent to endanger him, overall he made few connections with the villagers, apart from when he had sought the assistance of a few people to help in building a chicken coop. Or when he had almost desperately sought out a cutting from a sakura tree to plant by Chizuru’s grave. As a result he was never quite certain what most of the villagers may have thought of him and his largely hermetic lifestyle. Though, as long as none of them caused him any trouble, Souji was content to carry on without knowing.

Meanwhile on the other hand, many of the village children proved to be an exception to the distrustful wariness that Souji couldn’t help feeling toward the villagers, in spite of their general friendliness. At first Souji had the opinion the children seemed to regard him as something of a curiosity, likely having heard the adults of the village talking about him. Later on, the children’s not so subtle game of stalking him during his errands gradually turned into asking Souji to play with them, as he seemed to be one of the few adults with free time to do so. Recalling memories of happier times spent playing with some of the children near the Shinsengumi’s headquarters during the time they had been in Kyoto, Souji had found himself unable to refuse, and eventually as Souji and the children warmed to one another, groups of the local children began to travel around the village with him as he went about on his errands. This occurred with enough frequency to where Souji even allowed them to follow him partway up the mountain and after a time, to his home as well, where the children would help him with small chores and tasks. 

Especially after the first brood of chickens had hatched, the local children enjoyed playing with the chicks, herding both chicks and hens across the yard, and helping Souji gather up the eggs that the hens continued to lay.

. 

Dropping his gaze from the view of the garden and chicken coop occupying a portion of the yard in front of him, Souji looked down at the fluffy chick he held cupped in the palm of one hand, gently stroking it’s back with the slender fingers of his other hand as he hummed quietly.

“Hmm,… I guess they are kind of cute. …But not as cute as you, right Chizuru?” murmured Souji with a chuckle as a teasing smirk curved one corner of his lips, imagining the blush that would highlight Chizuru’s flustered expression as she protested. 

“Souji-san? Who are you talking to?” 

The voice pulled Souji’s attention to the little girl who sat beside him, who was also holding a chick, as she studied him with a confused frown. The girl was one of the group of village children who often came up the mountain, and at the moment with her dark brown hair and large brown eyes watching him, Souji couldn’t help thinking that she reminded him just a little of Chizuru. 

“Ahh?” murmured Souji questioningly before shaking his head, putting on a slight smile to reassure the girl. “…It’s nothing for you to worry about.”

The wrinkle between the girl’s eyebrows deepened for a moment as she continued looking at him before shaking her head with a giggle. “…You’re weird Souji-san.” 

Souji had long grown used to the strange looks he drew from people whenever he would talk to Chizuru as if she were present. Initially the habit had mostly occurred when Souji’s mind was occupied with whatever he was working on and he would address comments to Chizuru, momentarily forgetting her absence until the lack of response served to remind him. However, over time Souji had found the one-sided interaction to be comforting, as it sometimes made him feel that Chizuru’s presence still lingered close by, and he allowed the habit to continue in spite of any of the reactions it drew.

Reaching out Souji rested his free hand briefly on the girl’s head before scooping up the chick she was holding, bending forward to lower both of their chicks to the ground. As the chicks scurried off to rejoin their mother Souji hopped up from where he sat on the edge of the engawa, raising his voice to be heard by the children scattered across the area around the house. “…Who wants to play hide and seek?” 

As a chorus of answers filled the air in response Souji turned back, holding out his hand for the girl to take as she hopped off the engawa, before trailing after her as they went to join the other children where they were gathering to begin the game.

. 

In addition to the games that Souji often played with the children, he also occasionally ended up passing on some of the sword techniques that he had learned, after he caught some of the village boys playing at sword fighting. Even though the yard around the house in no way resembled a proper dojo, and branches picked up along the trail were a far cry from even practice swords, he hoped that Kondou might still approve. In this age where samurai and swords had all but been replaced by guns and western things, given his situation and the uncertainty of his lifespan Souji sometimes felt that it might be the only way for him to ensure that the Tennen Rishin style didn’t fade away completely, even if it was only preserved as a part of child’s play.

As time passed, to Souji’s surprise he one day realized that though he still felt Chizuru’s absence deeply, the fierce aching pain of it had dulled. And while it was a rare thing for a day to go by without him thinking of her multiple times throughout it, he had gradually begun to find it a little easier to smile and laugh once more.


	2. Epilogue

A year passed, then two. The seasons changed and spring came... 

In the time that went by his flock of chickens had produced many eggs and broods of chicks, and the vegetable and herb gardens had grown larger. Enough so that they not only provided for Souji’s small needs but so he was also able to barter away some of the leftovers with the people in the village, in payment for goods or services. In keeping Chizuru’s memory alive by fulfilling the wishes she had had for their future, Souji had somehow ended up also following in Kondou’s footsteps, though in reverse. As in doing so, Souji had over time gone from being a samurai to becoming a farmer, of a sort. He wondered sometimes what Kondou would have thought about it.

The cherry tree he had planted in the yard had similarly grown, enough that it was finally beginning to flower. Souji liked being able to watch as the breeze outside sent the fragile blossoms fluttering and to sit under it on the days he was able. He also had come to enjoy the sounds of the local children laughing and playing while they helped with the chores he was unable to complete. Occasionally he was able to catch sight of one or more of them running past the few foot wide view that he had of the world outside, while busy on some task. The sight of it seen through the door to the engawa, which Souji had taken to leaving open on the days that he was too weak to get out of bed. All of these things made him feel a little bit less lonely. 

Over the past few months Souji had almost entirely been confined to his bed as it had increasingly become a struggle for him simply to breathe, with even the effort needed to move from his futon when necessary leaving him exhausted. He had also been plagued with extremely high fevers more often than not, and as a result one of the adults from the village had also begun coming up daily to check on him, as he had refused to move out of his house to somewhere inside the village. In fact, whoever it was today would probably be arriving soon.

A part of Souji was bothered and frustrated by the extra attention and fuss directed toward him because of his illness. On some level he still couldn’t help wanting to rebel against his current state, and felt that he somehow could have managed to get by just fine. Souji could only imagine the way that Chizuru would have scolded him if he did say any of the things he sometimes wanted to, so he managed to swallow his pride and bite his tongue over the remarks. Most of the time. 

Shifting under the cloth on his forehead, which had long ago become warm from the heat of his skin, Souji turned his head back toward the door. Lifting his head slightly from the pillow he gazed out of it once more to watch as a few of the kids ran by in pursuit of a chicken. As soon as he was strong enough to get out of bed again Souji thought that he would probably have to see about patching the roof of the coop. He figured that it probably needed it after that last hard rain they had had several days ago. 

After the children had passed by Souji let out a sigh followed by a racking cough, starting to relax back onto his pillow once more after it passed, when some instinct he couldn’t place drew his eyes to the bedroom door. Souji’s eyes widened at the sight that confronted him, startled by the sudden, soundless arrival of the figure that stood framed by the wooden beams of the doorway. 

“Ch- chizuru?” 

Souji’s voice came out in a whisper that was nearly under his breath as he stared at the dark haired young woman that stood in front of him. Her hair trailed down around her shoulders and she wore a yellow kimono that had a scattered pattern of cherry blossoms on it. Trailing his eyes back up, Souji was caught in the warmth of her large brown eyes. There was nothing to suggest to him that this person was anyone other than Chizuru. For a moment Souji even thought that he somehow managed to catch a whiff of her familiar and comforting smell. 

Some nagging part of his brain insisted distantly that Chizuru was dead. That she had been for years, but Souji ignored it. It would be impossible to deny the evidence to the contrary that stood before him, especially when the proof appeared so solid and real. He could clearly see Chizuru standing in the doorway that led between their room and the rest of the house, at last having returned from her trip to the village, just as she had promised. 

For some reason Souji suddenly couldn’t remember exactly how long it had been really, with the way the intensity of his fever was clouding his thinking, just that enough time had passed for him to grow so lonely for Chizuru that his eyes stung with unshed tears at the sight of her now. Not wanting to make Chizuru worry about him more than she had been already however Souji forced his tears back, trying to pretend that everything was fine, though he doubted it would do any good. Chizuru had been able to see through him for a long time now, and by now she probably understood him better than anyone else. 

Still, Souji put on a playful smirk as he looked at Chizuru, his voice taking on a teasing whine as he spoke.

“Where have you been… all this time? …You were supposed to be back… before I woke up.” asked Souji amid pauses for breath. As an apologetic expression covered Chizuru’s face Souji let out a puff of breathless laughter, mustering his waning strength to lift his hand from the futon for Chizuru to take before she could open her mouth to speak. “Keeping me waiting for so long… Don’t you think you should owe me a kiss for that?” 

Souji watched for a moment as Chizuru came to his side, waiting until she had taken hold of his hand before he allowed his eyes to slip closed, resting them for a moment. The fever and strain of his illness was making him feel so tired. “…I really missed you, Chizuru…” murmured Souji in a sighing whisper as he felt Chizuru bending closer, unable to stop himself from expressing the thought out loud in spite of having wanted to keep from giving her a reason to be concerned. 

As Souji’s eyes slid shut his labored breathing slowed, stilling to a stop. And his hand, which had been raised a few inches off the futon fell to its surface as a single tear slipped free to roll down the side of Souji’s face above the smile that curved his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on twitter as [ RennarenofAO3, ](https://twitter.com/RennarenofAO3)or on Tumblr also at [RennarenofAO3.](https://rennarenofao3.tumblr.com/)


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